American Friends...

As an American.. and Female.. Here's my two cents..

Yes, Americans are friendly. Americans are also secretly or not so secretly a little cautious and skeptical, at times I would even call them a bit nervous. I've noticed this more since I've been in Europe and noticed that other people who are not Americans don't have this same sort of, nervous quality about them..

So.. I think the best approach to making friends is to be out going -- a lot and to everyone. Make conversation with the check out girl or the barista serving you coffee.. start there. Become a regular at coffee shops or diners... places where the service is friendly.

A lot of the times when I'm studying at my favorite coffee shop, someone next to me will try to talk to me.. sometimes I'm distant, but polite and sometimes I will engage that person in conversation.

But that's me on the receiving end. As for you, you should try to do this -- make conversation with people. Ask them what they are doing, where they are from etc... If you feel the cold shoulder from them, than leave them alone and let them get back to work.. but don't take it personally! That's the worst.

If you don't take it personally than you will show confidence and an easy going nature that people respond to. If they ignore you than talk to someone else and say bye to them anyway as they leave or before you leave..

Basically I'm trying to say.. just talk to people, a lot of them and don't take rejection personally. Get to know a lot of people first. Americans have a lot of casual friends often and only have a close circle of 2 or 3 friends. Learn to live FIRST with a lot of acquaintances and friendships that are not totally deep. Eventually some closer friendships will happen. If you want really intimate friendships immediately you will scare people away.

*Better yet... the honesty approach is also really good.
Do this to someone YOU ALREADY KNOW... Tell them you are new to the area and that you would like to know where people, eat, drink, hang out or you would like to see something new about the city. Suggest something.. do your homework.. find a place that you actually think sounds interesting and ASK that person if they would like to go there with you..

This is a good approach because the person doesn't feel like they are making some FOREVER FRIENDSHIP commitment with you and it's just a one time hang out..

Plus that person feels like they are not doing something so intimate with you.. they will feel like they are helping you.

Extra points too for doing your homework and looking for places that you would want to see and that the other person might be interested in too. Some of those places could be... in interesting Sushi Restaurant, a Vegetarian Restaurant, a Bar or Grille, the Zoo, the Mall, a Shopping area, or a Antique or Used bookstore... Make the hang out in the day time or lunch or something with a TIME limitation. Don't ask them to do more than one thing.

Hope this stuff helps.
XM

WMW 02 Jan 2009, 02:50 - Report